Today you can pretty much walk into any surf shop and within seconds you’ll encounter the surfer’s holy grail- the surf wax display. The selection offers a multitude of choices available in different sizes, vibrant colors, and an array of stimulating geometric shapes. But what surfers find most stimulating about surf wax besides steamy sexual innuendoes such as “Sex Wax”, “Sticky Bumps”, and “Mrs. Palmer’s Mighty Mounds” are the deliciously enticing scents of these paraffin parfaits. The smell is the most exotic and addictive attribute, it impressively casts a coconut, blueberry, bubble gum, and even wasabi-like aroma - so convincing that the thought of taking a quick bite actually enters every surfer’s mind from time to time. All it takes is one sniff of tropical wax and most surfers will be magically transported to their very own tropical wave paradise.
Surfers have been optimizing this paraffin and microcrystalline wax combination for many years now to keep from slipping off their boards. Setting aside the obvious, surfers being quite the eclectic bunch, have devised numerous alternative methods to spotlight their innermost waxing modus operandi. For example, younger surfers- better known as “grommets”, may be found using surf wax as a means of enlightening the world via waxen Sanskrit prose on seaside streets and sidewalks far and wide, evoking such colorful statements as "No Kooks Allowed" and "Locals Only". This generally serves as a preferred medium of juvenile expression, 2nd only to sticker tagging. More mature surfers typically pass on the pavement propaganda altogether opting for a more intimate relationship with their wax companion in the form of entangled, wax museum worthy chest hairs after lengthy summertime surf sessions. This is not to be confused as an alternative method to Brazilian Wax Treatment to those surfers who are folically endowed.
To Surfers, wax is the “village bicycle” of commodities, everybody gets a piece. Much like the penny tray at 7-11, surf wax is for every surfer. Call it what you will…“divine intervention”, “karmic retribution”, surf wax has a way of magically appearing free for the taking whenever a surfer most needs it. Nestled on a rock, on the bumper of a car, or buried in the sand like pirate treasure, wax like water knows no boundaries. Venture into any seaside parking lot and it is not uncommon to hear surfers uttering the all encompassing question, “Hey man, got any wax?” In this regard, wax is nonchalantly passed around like a blazing doobie during a reggae concert. In fact, surfers are so indifferent towards their surf wax at times, that you may even find the crustaceous remains of melted wax piled up in many a surfer’s truck bedliner or bumper on any given hot summers day. Under these circumstances, one should not be too
quick to pass judgment on the surfer in question, after all…….. surf’s up bro!!!