Wednesday, October 6, 2010

#19 Bragging About Scoring Epic Surf!

Surfers love the satisfaction that comes from scoring epic surf.  It rejuvenates the soul and replenishes the stoke meter like no other.  Fully spent and noodle armed, the surfer basks in the afterglow of an amazing surf sesh as they fondly reflect on their cornucopia of epic rides.  Bit by bit, the message that materializes to the surfer becomes glaringly obvious – they just got it good, really good!  The feeling of euphoria overwhelms the surfer like a powerful, tranquilizing drug.  Reluctant to call it last call on this après-surf party of emotional high barbiturates, the surfer clings to the only tool they have left in the arsenal – shamelessly bragging to others about how much they just scored!   It’s a gloat fest feeding frenzy of epic proportions!  No one will be spared the wrath of the bragging surfer’s self-promoting propaganda.  Clear and simple, the message to all other surfers unlucky enough to bear witness to these self centered, attention seeking mongers rings loud and clear – “I scored and YOU MISSED OUT!!”

One might think that scoring epic surf in and of itself would be enough to satisfy even the most discerning surfer.  But sometimes the sheer enjoyment of scoring great surf just doesn’t cut it.  For these surfers, they need more, they need recognition!  Determined to get their day in the sun, these surfers cannot help but browbeat their fellow bros about how they just missed the most epic session ever (really???) or how waking up for the dawn patrol decidedly makes them a better person.  To make matters worse, in this technological age of hand held PDA devices and Web 2.0 social networking applications, no surfer is immune to the après-surf “You Missed Out” telecast.  The surfer will showcase their “all-time” surf sesh like a guest plug on the Jay Leno Show to all of their Facebook and Twitter friends as well as unleashing a barrage of voicemails and celebratory texts only to those bros who were NOT present.  It’s an unabashed cry for attention on the part of the bragging surfer which in no uncertain terms implies “I’m kind of a big deal!” and subsequently “Buy My Poster!!”  Inevitably on the day after scoring epic surf, the surfer will unleash their final ace in the hole while checking the waves.  When questioned by an unknowing surfer with a friendly “howsit look out there?” the response will ALWAYS be the quintessential surfer response of  “it’s o.k., but you should have been here yesterday.  It was Sooooo good!”  Next time, do yourself a favor and don’t bother to ask!  Rest assured you already know the answer.

(*Note -  When in the presence of a gloating surfer, do not attempt to impart your own story or embellish upon your most recent crappy surf sesh down the street as this will get you nowhere.  When in doubt, make up an excuse as to why you don’t have time to hear about their “all-time” surf sesh and run!!  If not, prepare to grit your teeth and settle in for a nice 20 minute infomercial on how they scored, you didn’t, and how you should really get your priorities straight.  If things get serious, they might even hand you a burned disc containing all of the photographic evidence of their sesh or invite you over to their house to watch the video.  Sweet!!!???  Make a mental note to pay them back tenfold come your next surf trip.  After all, sharing is caring!!!)


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